ash1611

there are many things that you people don't understand about me, about my life.. so my first request is, do not judge me based on what you perceive it to be..

i wish i could tell the people concerned what is going on..
but.. it's not going to change anything.
there will just be one more person who knows about the situation,
just one more person who pities with me..
and it is not something to be proud about.

half of the time i am running from reality,
trying to avoid the many issues i have to handle as i grow up..
coping at home pretending it is just a normal lazy saturday afternoon,
watching anime and shows to avoid thinking about lots of things..
yes,i dont wanna grow up.

maybe it's a twist of fate that things happened this way,
but sometimes i think of it as a blessing in disguise.
but amidst the many happy moments,
i have to cope with the 'abnormalities' of this kind of life.

to tell the truth, i havent really got used to this kind of life.
whole of my life i have been following the flow,
doing what everyone is doing,
living a rather carefree life.

now,
i have to watch what i eat, what i do..
no.
i have to watch what i cnt eat, what i cnt do.
i cnt watch movies as often as i like,
i cnt go restaurants as often as the urge for good food comes,
i cnt shop and donate as much as i want..
i cant hang out as much with my frens anymore..
i cant imagine being able to go on a trip to japan anymore..

i HATE this.
i hate it when i am bounded by many restrictions.
i wanna live my youth happily... and yet..
i really dunno what i sld do...

and it affects my mom too.
this is the worst..

am i the only one who can help myself?
what sld i do?